snowy owl totemthey used to say potential like it was a life-sentenceachievement, like a weight around your neckexpectation to be smoked away like cigarettes, into toxic vapoursitting on the roof at midnight mourning nothingand the letting go of medals pinned to your skin without your permissionand you lived in full-colour and dismissed the concept of regretearly mornings, long days and late nights like a beautiful oceanin the waves there was radiant delight and wonder, this crystalline desireand fulfillment and exuberance and time never wastedevery second of delicious experience committed to a universe of memorynow they say impressive l
darlington, breathlesseverything here is red brick and i half expect to notice youstanding on the platform as i turn my head and try not to thinkabout it being over a decade since i saw you last. this time, again,i'm just passing through and the man next to me talks on the phone,"it would've been easier just to keep the dog, wouldn't it?i'll talk to you later. i'll talk to you when i get home"but here i am. i'm kind of leaving and it's unusual to have so manythings to go back for. i feel them pulling much more strongly thanwhen you knew me. it's a comfort to have these anchors now.would you even recognise me after all these years? i sleep at nigh
teeththe dream, it beganwith one of my teeth falling outand the others were bent like gravestonestoppled and tilting in the weak mush soilof bleeding gumsthe room had blue tileshalf-bleached white in anaching permanent noonlike a bathroomin an asylumin a film(in a dream)the mirror was cracked and hanging at oddsmy hands were burned and blisteredand my fingers twisted, broken and settrees and branches, rusted nailsi touched my face and the skin melted and dripped from itlike paint that takes three attempts to open the tin(with fingernails, with a knife, with a chisel)something festering and silently toxicone
what did you expect from drugs and holidays?i remember the first time, shooting speed at 5amand driving to the docks for a ferry ride wherei couldn't drink a pint of beer for breakfast,to a winding road where i swallowed some ephedrinepills and had to keep pulling in to throw up onthe hard shoulderwe listened to a song called tourniquet and i criedbehind my dark glasses, wishing we were beyond ourburdens, imagining them trailing by a rope behindthe car and breaking into pieces on the roadand more tears for the forests and the bridges andthe mountains, and the white sand beach and theturquoise waves and the endless sky that never got darknights and mornings dri
Sta.sh
eace and love ~
